THE BISHOPS OF BLING

Is that the real Gennaro Gabuzzo? It is, but you can't say that. why not? Because everybody gonna wanna comma down.

God was playing hard ball with some of the more free wheeling prelates during the quaresimale stagione. In order to flush out the bishops of bling, Yahweh ordered St Michael to put Vatican City under siege, allowing no finery nor feasts nor intellectual flummery for that matter, for forty days while he went through reports that an unseemly sum of money and some existential contraband papers had been transferred to a pizzeria at an unknown locale.
Unbeknownst to the angel, the Bergamo pope had been tarrying in a local caffe yucking it up with some of the patrons and got stuck under siege.
Desperate for cake, Roncalli hijacked a bakery van making deliveries to a convalescing Francis who had ordered some bespoke Buenos Aires bon bons to be delivered to his bedside whilst he ruminated on the next encyclical.
"What are you gonna do. bap me with the crozier?" chortled the driver.
"Ever hear of Gehenna?" Roncalli retorted, "I need a fetta di torta or there's gonna be trouble".
As Angelo grabbed for the steering, the van careened into a fruit cart where a gaggle of tourists was discussing the latest Vatian politics. "I kind of identify with the Latin Mass movement" one commented. Isn't that where a lot of Latin Americans move toward the Vatican, like Father Bergoglio? queried another. No, it's more like Laetare Sunday, you get to wear pink shoes.