Gooberman: chronicles of escaton, or, the gubernatorial aspirations of the Spirit
These stories mix Leviticus with levity just as peanuts, fruit of the confederate confectionary, are mixed with chocolate, an indigenous indulgence, to create the iconic "Goober" candy, Not only is the play on words meet and apt in this particular moment when events are spotlighting authority and community, and challenging us to move forward into the reign of what some scholars have called the era of the Spirit, but the episodes themselves illustrate the workings of the interaction of law and religion, or law and culture or law and society, which is so crucial to the understanding of the plans of Ha Ruah.
Gooberman Four: Peanut Wars
Readers who wish for a bit of levity with their leviticus, and we may pardon such as do, may perchance be unaware that Ferrero (Italian for "blacksmith") with their hot forges apt for cooking caramels etc, has bought out the Nestle company and with it the trademark "Goobers" in a bright blau box, the word Goober apparently being derived from an African word for peanut and coming from the peanut plantations of yore. Thus, Goober Gubitosi (Robert Blake) the famous helltown prelate from east L.A., found himself mistakenly deported to a cell next to Harvey "milk dud" Weinstein, where the spirit of Giovanni Battisti Montini attempted to console them with the sheep cheese encyclical "Pastores davo vobis" written by Karol Wojytla aka Pope JPII. Weinstein may or may not have stolen the milk duds, there is a presumption of innocence and he may have confessed to save Gubitosi from having to clean the prison lavatory. It may all come out at the trial. Now let us pray.
Gooberman Five: Rise of the Machines
.
THIS IS AKIN TO DANTE'S COMMEDIA. As Gubitosi and Weinstein sat together in the early morning hours, slurping down doppios delivered by Gubitosi's calabozo goomba, the two confreres discussed gli affari. Mickey allowed as how the Gubitosi Guzzi Boston to LA trans national goober train had juiced up the construction workers who had installed the new panopticon surveillance on the bakery bridge, such that the code on which the robots ran insured they would be chronically dependent on goobers. Thus providing a perpetual stipend not only to the Beijing surveillance company that ran high tech tariff blocking at the UN, but also the Ferrero Goober (TM) factory workers as well. While we're at it, Weinstein said, can I have access to the videos in case I feel like making some movies? Hollywood is a little bizarre right now but we could bootleg some gooberman flicks. This entire situation gave rise to a statute thoroughly unknown at common law called the felony G for gawkers, or goobers, depending on whose scholarship one ascribeth to thereof (massive incomprehensible list of citations in ancient Boethius script followeth here and in case anyone wonders the writer likes Boethius and his philosophy.) Later that day, a goober shortage resulting from a "theft" of goobers by someone wearing a watermelon stained bucket hat (at least that's what one eavesdropper apparently uploaded to tik tok) resulted in the failure of multiple systems and the whole panopticon imploded and somehow it got blamed on Ukrainian operatives. Go figure. Now, let us pray. (rosary in Latin follows)
GOOBERMAN SIX: GUBERNATORIAL GOOBER WARS
UPDATES: unnamed sources report today that amid his tiff with Trump, Governer Newsom offered to be arrested and thrown in a cell alongside the confreres, on the one condition that Gubitosi "hook him up" with some goober bootleggers. "Ok, so I'm addicted to goobers, I mean it sounds like gubernatorial, I got confused, low blood sugar and whatnot" Newsome was heard to say off the record. In a gesture of love and solidarity, constituents took up a collection and unloaded several cases in his backyard, claiming as the Ferrero company in Bergamo was tariffed into temporary suspension, they had been produced at a Monterrey Mexico facility like most candy is these days. Blame it on Junipero, there had to be some way he crossed the Camino real so many times I mean Carmel California has no street address, good place to stash the duds."
In order to stymie the candidacy hopes of Newsom, Trump strongarmed the court by offering to settle a bunch of gilded bidet related in limine motions before the backed up bidets exploded all over the Met gala afterparties which were still going on, and all of a sudden Katz v US was taken up for reconsideration in a bizarre case styled Cuomo, Pastrami et al, a companion case to Tuggle. Prosecutors alleged Katz had been improperly adjudicated and should be overruled, as new evidence had come to light from an ex girlfriend of Diddy or Cudi or somedudi that the wagering would have been discovered anyways since Katz had left a trail of Houston Street pastrami all over the place. As the Pastrami from Brooklyn cannot be easily replicated, it seemed they might have a case. Updates will follow. Pictures of Diddy with Obama and Trump were burned in a large scale bonfire of the vanities under cover of the L.A. car incendiaries. These things happen.
Fourth of July Frassati Feast Edition
As the fourth of July weekend dawned at the prison, Weinstein was ruminating about founding a new MGM, this one named for the three flagship candies his partners hawked at cinemas: Milk duds, goobers, and Mike and Ikes. The Milk dud end of it would be represented of course by Harvey, while the Goober partner would logically be Gubitosi. As they brainstormed a third partner for "33.3%", (who gets to be the partner) St Michael swept in from heaven and said he would do it.
The venture coincided with a jail- wide riot over a shortage of milk duds. Whether or not this was divine intervention remains to be seen. Weinstein seized the opportunity anad his lawyer filed an emergency habeas corpus known among criminal defense practicitioners as a "habe" on behalf of all three cellies. Why are we here on a Saturday afernoon, the judge mumbled as he shuffled the paperwork on his ipad. "Your honor, we want a furlough so I can take Diddy on a pilgrimage up Mount Carmel for the feast as it approaches", said Harvey out of order. "You're out of order", the judge said, stating the obvious. Let your lawyer do the talking. Mr Combs, are you on board with this? Combs began to mumble something indistinct about some kind of street slang known as a "chew off". Hold on, your honor can I say something, said Gubitosi. "Release these two into my custody as a priest". "Mr. Gubitosi, you're a Hollywood priest", said the judge. "Whatever Weinstein may have told you, it's not the same as a true priest"." All due respect, the name is Blake, Robert", said Gubitosi, "I changed my name due to prejudice against ginzos which was almost as bad as the prejudice against goobers. And as to the hollywood aspect of my priesthood, to quote the bard, "all the world's a stage." "